Two weeks and counting.

In two weeks, I will probably be panicking; in two weeks I should be asleep but I will probably be panicking.

In two weeks, I will be nine hours from the start of a hopefully life-changing three months.  I will have left my admin job.  In two weeks and nine hours, I will be starting a 12-week course in Visual Effects Production at Escape Studios.

It feels like a year since I made the final decision to do this.  It's closer to three months.  What felt like an ocean of time has drained away to be the barest stream.  An ignore-able, casually-long period of time has suddenly become a distinctly short, distinctly disappearing period of time.

I am nervous.  Nervous that it will all go wrong - that phrase, "all go wrong" is one whose incidence in my life has increased drastically in the last month but I don't entirely know what I fear will "all go wrong".  The nerves stem from two things:

1. A period of time during which I am entirely without paid work.  I will be training from 10am (luxuriously late start) to 5pm.  There will be no time for work, I think.

2. After the course has finished, I need to find work.  That work will probably not be familiar, safe, sign-a-contract, monthly-paycheck work but freelance work.  Freelance work about which I know very little.  

Point 1 is an irrelevance, really.  I have savings and my partner has a job; nevertheless, it might "all go wrong".

Point 2 is more understandable but I hope that once the course begins the Studio will have resources into which I can tap.  If nothing else, they will have information: information as to how the world I'm entering works.  That might, also, "all go wrong".  

(Still no clearer to establishing what would all go wrong, or how.)

But I am not just nervous.  I am excited, elated, enthused and effervescent;  I am tumultuously thrilled and thankful for the opportunity.  I am at the very edge of something which I have wanted for quite some time and I have taken the first step.  I am on the tightrope, I have removed the stabilisers, I have jumped from the plane.  I am buzzing with anticipation and elation.  

I don't really think it will "all go wrong".  I expect it will all go fine.  I hope I  end up happier, working on things I enjoy and am passionate about.  I hope I end up proud of my job, proud of what I do and of my work.  If I just end up happy and in regular work then it definitely has not "all gone wrong".  We can only wait and see.